I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
