I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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