Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
