My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize