Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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