Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize