Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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