I'm going to jail i love you
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
