Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
