THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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