That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
