You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
