god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
