Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
