He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
