I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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