Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize