I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
