cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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