I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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