Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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