he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
