I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize