You really coming over, don't trick.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
