Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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