Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
