words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize