I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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