Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
