Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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