Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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