end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
