I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
