My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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