I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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