This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
