No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
