He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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