You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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