if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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