i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
