You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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