No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
vagina is talking i cant
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
