K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
