What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
