Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize