I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
