On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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