thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
