He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
