Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
vagina is talking i cant
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
