If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
