well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
