How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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