i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
