Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
