I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
