So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
