Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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