dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So many bounce houses so little time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
