I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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