No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
