we have pet lesbian snakes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Houston, we have a blender
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
