omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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