If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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