i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
