pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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