We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
