i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize